I think I see the world differently. Maybe we all think that.

I’ve begun to realize, over the last year, how incredibly ignorant my generation is. We are so caught up in our own presence, completely absorbed with ourselves – our looks, our followers, our likes. We crave attention and recognition. It’s easily addictive because the access to comparison is within reach. We can see everyone else’s numbers – their stats. From likes to friends to followers – we can compare ourselves at any moment. We can base our identity, popularity, beauty, and purpose within a selfie. That leaves us open to false witness – to seeing ourselves as less than we were born to be; to seeing ourselves as more than what we are.

Over the last year the Holy Spirit has began a work in me that I have no explanations for. He has been testing every insecurity in me. And I have battled many. From identity to eating disorders to self worth and the worthiness of myself to others. I have fought many battles. I’ve wanted to move away, quit, and become careless….

But He still comes.

And as time has unfolded, so have my perceptions. The things I thought were right, I’ve been proven wrong. The things I thought I could leave, the Lord has told me to lead.

Jesus has this way of pulling you towards him, and as he does, you begin to see. Really see.

We have such a high tolerance for invasion – of our minds, hearts, and identities. Our quests for validation through social media opens us up to huge amounts of self – rejection.

I’ve seen myself change with social media. I’ve seen myself become less for it.

But I’ve seen people begin to see. To look for beauty in the ordinary and find mystery in at first plain things.

And I see Jesus. I see how he waits for us to look at him. And as we begin to look, we begin to see this beauty and this mystery, and it draws me away from myself.

This year I have learned that life is hard. Being a grown up, giving up things and people for your job and trusting The Lord for friendship and new things – it’s hard. But when you can see a piece of God’s plan for you more clearly, and how he is using your calling for his kingdom, you are humbled.

I found out this year that it’s much easier to have friends when you don’t work full time. I found out this year that being alone can be hard. I found out that 25 isn’t the year you become all – knowing.

But i found out this year that God isn’t done with me. That I’m at the surface of his intentions for me.

I found out this year that my adventure has barely even begun.

Be encouraged, whoever might read this – make your own choices. When no one understands, stand tall. When people question you, trust God. When you are given false wisdom, seek the Holy Spirit. When someone is saying “what is the Holy Spirit telling you? ” and you want to scream because you just don’t know the answer to that, take heart, because he doesn’t stop telling you. He waits. He tells you again.

One day – in some other season – you get to look up and see how far The Lord has carried you, and you’ll see the steps he had ordered you into, no longer seeing dimly – but as if face to face.

God is so good, his arm is not short that it does not reach – his sight is far – he makes his dreams for us and makes them our dreams.

I am so thankful I’ve been through hard seasons and been through times of growth. I have every hope that we all are moving together for Glory. There is no place I would rather be.
In my city. With my people.

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